sex as php

orkut の PHP forum で見つけて爆笑したコードを転載（リンクを張ることができないので）。

<?php
function sex ($stamina, $attraction, $speed, $bac, $pname, $plength) {
  if($stamina < 1 || $bac > 1) {
    dress("It won't get up!");
    exit;
  }
  $db = mysql_connect("Jennifer","Hal","I love you");
  mysql_select_db($db,"pants");
  for($x=1; $x<=($stamina-($attraction/2)); $x++) {
    thrust($speed,$db,$pname,$plength);
  }
  ejac();
  dress("So, was it good for you?");
}

funtion thrust ($speed,$db,$pname,$length) {
  for($x=1; $x<=$speed; $x++) {
    $premature = rand(1,50);
    if($premature == 50) {
      ejac();
      dress("I know it happens to everybody, but it wasn't   supposed to happen with you!");
      exit;
    }
    $deep = rand(0,$length);
    $sql = "INSERT INTO vagina (`penis_name`,`depth`,`speed`) VALUES ('$pname','$deep','$speed')";
    mysql_query($sql) or die("Crap! I slipped! Woah.. damn your ass is tight!");
    $grunt = rand(1,5);
    select ($grunt) {
      case '1':
        $gruntsound = "Uh!";
        break;
      case '2':
        $gruntsound = "Oh!";
        break;
      case '3':
        $gruntsound = "Ah!";
        break;
      case '4':
        $gruntsound = "Nnngh!";
        break;
      case '5':
        $gruntsound = "Ohhhh!";
        break;
    }
  echo $gruntsound;
  }
}
?>